The Conquering

Three D Heart, Pamela Devine

Today’s art: 3 D Hearts,  Print Available
Today’s Soundtrack: Across the Border, Linda Ronstadt, Emmylou Harris, Neil Young

“20 years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn’t do than the by the ones you did. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.”
~Mark Twain

A major part of this journey I am on has been weight loss. Perhaps it is the most important part of the journey. Because the reality is, I used my obesity as a crutch, a tool to prevent me – no, to ensure that I would remain distant from personal relationships. And oddly, I knew this to be true while I was obese. I just wasn’t sure what to do about it.

In early September, I took a photograph of myself and what I saw disappointed and shocked me. Add to that, I was six months away from turning 50. Then it hit me. This was all happening way too fast. I thought that I had all the time in the world. The last 10 years went by in a flash. I have very little memory of it. I was asleep. The truth is, I’ve lived most of my life in survival mode. I’m only just now learning how to live my life fully in the day and invest in tomorrow.

That day I realized, that if I was going to live another 30 years it would go by in a flash. And if I was going to live another 30 years I wanted to be of the highest quality. I knew that type II diabetes was right around the corner. I vehemently did not want to have to manage diabetes. I did not want to add any more medication to the ones I was already taking. I had spent many years on high blood pressure medication. And those medications were messing with my life. I couldn’t spend more than 15 minutes in the sun without feeling quite ill. I had a chronic tickle and cough that was messing with my singing. And as far as I can see, there is no high blood pressure medication that doesn’t have unwanted side effects. I wanted off all those medications. It became a goal.

That day I made a decision I was going to cut back on carbs. I remember going to the store and looking at labels and nothing that I picked up had a reasonable amount of carbs. I quickly began to realize that I probably needed to cut out all bakery, all corn, most grains. I have been thinking about getting up wheat for years, so that’s what I did. It took another couple of days to admit I had been consuming way too much dairy. My digestive system was not working properly and I blamed it on dairy. It was a given that sugar had to go, no consideration there. I was not going on a diet. I was making a permanent change.

At the same time, I very tentatively whispered, “I might be open to love.” Two weeks later an old love contacted me and we’ve been exploring the idea of love together ever since.

In mid October I started exercising and weight lifting on a daily basis.

On March 5, 2013, my 50th birthday, I was able to declare I had lost 100 pounds. It’s difficult for me to congratulate myself too much because as of this date, I have not added any more weight loss to that number.

I admit it is fear.

I’m ready to face the fear and proceed through it. I acknowledge it’s there, but it will not own me. It will not disable me. It will not stop me. It will not make decisions on my behalf.

I will not live half a life. I want it all. I don’t have one more second to wait. Or weight.

It’s up to me.

Want to conquer fear with me? Take my hand. Let’s go.

: )

It’s your day. Go get it.

Namaste,

With love,

Pamela

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About PamelaDevine

Pamela Devine is a singer songwriter, fine artist, and filmmaker. View all posts by PamelaDevine

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