When I was a little girl and got to elementary school, the first day the teacher spoke a lot about the goings on surrounding the lavatory. Oh, yes! I thought, We’re going to do experiments in there! It literally took me years to understand that lavatory and laboratory where not the same word. You can imagine my disappointment when I discovered that my teacher had only been referring to the bathroom and our cleanliness regarding it.
I think about assumptions in communication. Some of the funniest conversations I’ve ever had were miscommunications. My daughter and I still laugh every time we bring some of those up. Conversely, I’ve been involved in terrible arguments from them, too.
It reminds me that when you are in a situation where confusion, frustration, and anger are propelling the direction of a relationship, it is your responsibility to ask questions, for clarification, to paraphrase what you believe you’ve heard, back to the other. So often we don’t. We don’t want to make waves, stir the pot, ruffle the feathers, be controversial, a pain in the ass, be a bitch, or simply be difficult.
Asking for clarification is the right thing to do. If you do it before you’re hurt, angry, or pissed, it’s far less likely to be an argument. You can carefully craft your words. You might find the clarification completely defuses the bad feelings.
Beyond all of that, the simple act of clarification has another reward. You gain confidence in the communication process. It builds skills. Skills that will help make you a better person, friend, lover.
It will give you confidence that you can take care of you.
Namaste, my friends.