When No is not well received.


Along your journey, there will be people who want something you have. If you have defined your goals, you will be able to determine whether what is being offered fits into your plans. Before you have a staff to field these offers, it will be up to you to say yes or no.

You will find that when you use your acquired skills in conjunction with the goals you have set up, you will leave a trail of accomplishments. You can point to each and see your progress. This is not only evidence of your work, but more importantly, it has taken something imagined, something intangible and made it tangible.

Once you begin leaving such a foot print, others will see these accomplishments, too. All of a sudden you’ll get offers coming out of the wood work. Fielding these offers can be overwhelming. The reason for this is because most of the offers will have to be declined. When you are suddenly “seen” you are seen by everyone who is excited about what you’re doing, wants to be included in your work, your life, or both, or wants to have what you have and ride your coat tails. There will also be those with a genuinely rewarding offer. The latter is very hard to decline.

One of the things I have been dealing with is the anger I have received when I decline. I am as gentle as possible, but when you are telling someone they are not going to get what they came to you for, they are disappointed. Depending on their level of self comfort, it maybe accepted logically or emotionally.

The thing I want to talk about is when it isn’t taken well. Over the last two weeks I have had many people approach me with requests. There are far more than is typical. Several of them did not take the no well. I’ve been here before and in the past, I retreated. Retreat is not an option this time. I have to reframe how I see the response. Here’s what I’m doing:

1, I understand this person is disappointed.
2, I spend a moment to reassure the person that the rejection is not due to who they are as a person or what their skills are.
3, I remain gentle and polite no matter what is hurled at me. Under no circumstances do I lose my cool, show anger, or say anything cruel in return.
4, I do not over explain the no.
5, I do not expect them to like it
6, I thank them for considering me.
7, I end the communication.

If the conversation turns to abuse, I turn away immediately after saying, “I am now ending this conversation.”

For my part, in the past I felt like I did as a child when I was bullied. The way I must reframe their anger is by reminding myself that I am the grown up. I am further along in my journey than some people. My journey, and it’s results, sometimes draws people to want what I have. Part of what I aim to do is inspire. When I share the knowledge I’ve culled, perform my music, and I make my movies, I position myself as a professional in those fields. There is a responsibility that goes with this experience. However, I am not responsible for how others interpret it. I am a messenger. How the message is received is none of my business. I am responsible for what I put out. I need to be patient with others, but most importantly, I don’t need to judge or interpret what is being said. Simply, if it feels negative, I turn from it and replace with a positive, and give that person a silent blessing for their continued journey.

This is part of the flight. We must manage every aspect if we are to continue.

Namaste, my friends.



About PamelaDevine

Pamela Devine is a singer songwriter, fine artist, and filmmaker. View all posts by PamelaDevine

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: