It ain’t easy.
I’ve found I’m more inclined to love myself when I feel loved by others. Around my birthday, I always feel somewhat unloved. That’s because two people I love, will not acknowledge me on that day even though they are thinking of me. One is my mother. The other a man. Both are far too prideful to allow me to think they are thinking of me on my birthday. Of course they do. And that makes it hurt all the more, which is part of their meanness. They are both just plain mean. The easiest way to deal with someone mean is to not deal with them at all. So, I don’t. Maybe one day, I’ll figure out how not to define them as mean. Maybe I’ll figure out how not to let their sharp words, or lack of them, hurt me. Maybe I will not define whether I love myself on whether they love me.
It felt good to get 200 birthday wishes on Facebook. My dad and daughter called me. Every year I focus less on the two who ignore me and focus on the hundreds that don’t. Thank God.
And ultimately, I’m trying to figure out how to honor me whether anyone does or not. Let’s be honest, we all need to be loved to see what that looks like.
Namaste, my friends.