Muck and stuff

I never thought I’d make it this far.

From the time my mother left, I learned to survive. To make it through the day and then the night. Waking up the next morning realizing I had not prepared for the day I would be facing. As a kid, it meant I had not done my homework. I had spent the previous afternoon and evening watching TV.  I watched happy family after happy family. I lived vicariously through them. 

There was a scene in the TV series Northern Exposure in which the nonconforming philosophical free spirit of the town learns that he has high blood pressure and to fix it, he just needs to take a tiny pill each day. He laments that he expected he would die in his late 30s as every man in his family before him had. He has to rethink his life and contemplate a future that would include old age. “Had I known I was going to grow old, I wouldn’t have burned all my bridges.”

The thing I’ve learned about most people is, they survive the day. Without specific goals for the future, there is only the day to get through. If you have a goal, the decisions you make today will directly effect it. 

The hardest part of staying on course, is the muck. It’s like I’m in the middle of a kitchen remodel. Things are dissembled. There’s dirt everywhere. The progress is so slow it’s not only difficult to see, I can’t figure out how to measure it. I’m not having any fun. None. I need some fun. 

I’m going to work on that.

Namaste, my friends.

Love, 

Pamela

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About PamelaDevine

Pamela Devine is a singer songwriter, fine artist, and filmmaker. View all posts by PamelaDevine

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