I’ve lived a long time without a relationship. For most of that time it was by choice. It was a choice I made for my heart. I had a marriage that was an enormous disappointment. In fact, I felt really cheated by the fairy tale nonsense fed to me as a little girl. The idea that marriage would some how fill me in way I had not yet been filled. Marriage was so wretchedly disappointing, that I wanted nothing more to do with relationships.
Then a former lover found me on Facebook in September of 12. I saw his name and the levy broke. A flood of emotion long dammed flowed out. I was not eloquent. I was not subtle. I was not restrained. I spent more than two years trying to convince him we should grow old together.
Wanting him, loving him, pursuing him, taught me a lot. First, that I want a life partner. That I want to have someone to give all this love to. That I have a well-spring of patience I didn’t know I had. That I’m a damned good writer. That I am devoted and loyal. That I love with my whole heart. I have also learned that if I am to attract the love of my life, I need to be open to him. I know that the love of my life is looking for me, too. I will not need to convince him of anything.
Who is he?
- He is intelligent and always learning.
- He has goals and ambition.
- He is kind and capable of love.
- He argues clean.
- He is respected.
- He has a spiritual life.
- He takes care of his health.
- He is funny.
- He has a beautiful smile.
I don’t know what he looks like. I don’t know how old he is. I don’t know where he’s from.
But I know he’s looking for me. 🙂
This should be an interesting adventure. I may start a different blog just to document it. I’d ask you to wish me luck, but I don’t need it.
Namaste, my friends.