Monthly Archives: August 2015

Chaos plus.

My life has turned fairly chaotic. My kitchen ceiling collapsed, one of my sweet little dogs died, then the remaining little dog was been diagnosed with lymphoma (poor little darling), school began, and the money chase is just beyond reach, and I’m getting ready to do some new emotional work I do t feel prepared for. 

It feels like driving down an unknown road in the dark during a snow storm. 

Brights on, hyper alert. 

A saving grace is one of my friendships. I’m so grateful to have it.

Namaste, my friend.

Love,

Pamela

If you have an interest in any of these paintings, let’s talk. I need to sell some work immediately.

   
    
   


The smile I’ll miss

  
 This is Fay Taylor. She was born September 18, 1999. She died today.

She was a constant companion to my daughter and me. A fantastic watch dog, a sweet love bug, and a horrible flirt. Fay never met a man she didn’t love. She was smart and also smiled. It was one of the things that made her so special. 

When you get a puppy you never think into the future to this day. It has been so terribly sad.

Namaste, my friend. 

Love,

Pamela


My new voice.

  
Yesterday was the most beautiful day. I had a photo shoot at a home about 40 miles from mine. The sky was the most amazing shade of blue and the clouds were puffs of cotton high in the sky. The sun was selective shining on specific spots to illuminate them to anyone paying attention. Everywhere I looked, I saw beauty. I made notes where I would shoot once I was done with my paying job. 

The family I worked with was so gorgeous, I could hardly stand it. The woman soon to give birth, the man so proud, and a boy 8, excited to have a sibling. The baby is a girl. I told the boy she will think he is the coolest person alive and want to go everywhere he does. His eyes got wide. “Really?” He asked. I assured him it was all true. The woman looked like a goddess. I can’t wait for them to see the shots. 

On the way home, I stopped at a park where there are ancient indigenous burial mounds. The first thing I saw was a pond with dragon flys dancing everywhere. I walked further and found a swamp. Had I had waiters, I would have gone in for photos. The quality of today’s sunlight was so special, that even a dark place like the swamp had an illumination that reflected the sky. I found several sights I was not expecting, and on the way back, this dragon fly stopped and posed for me. 

When I got back to my car I took a minute to look at all the images I shot and I cried tears of joy. The process of photography is a special new voice I have as an artist that is allowing me to see beauty I would not otherwise see. It asks me to stop and look in a way I never have before. I see beauty everywhere. And if you read my previous post you know, the remedy to fear is to look for the beauty. This new gift allows me to cull the beauty I see and frame it in a way that asks the viewer to focus the spot of it I see. It has become a lovely freedom and joy. 

Namaste, my friend.

Love,

Pamela


A portrait of my friend, Brad Noe.

  


Forgiveness and love.

  
I think I have finally figured out how to forgive. 

Years ago I had an unimaginable betrayal from someone I should have been able to trust with my life. It was so unimaginable, that I blocked it from my memory for most of my adulthood. The experience was not absent from my mind altogether, though. I made many decisions based on how best to protect myself from allowing that to ever happen again. Unfortunately, it meant living in an almost constant low-grade level of fear in some areas. It contaminated my perception and gave me a half life. 

A few weeks ago, a series of news stories and life experiences made me question my responses to them. And in a quiet moment, my memory returned. With it, came the understanding I had created a language for my experience that was untrue. I think for the first time since the experience, I’m feeling a release. There is beauty in facing the truth. I did a lot of crying. And sad as I am, I’m also relieved. I made some choices in my fog, that were the right ones.

Another reason this may have been the right time to remember is because of the coping skills I’ve learned and also the spiritual path I walk. 

I’ve talked here a lot about practicing love. I’ve been practicing love for about a year and a half. The simple idea that one faces everyone with love and compassion, regardless of whether they have earned it. By distributing love to everyone, it removes the responsibility of making the judgement of worth. Everyone gets it. It’s surprisingly delightful for you in it’s simplicity. 

It’s not too hard to give love to someone we don’t know. But what about the person who has harmed you? How can you dispense love to him? What about the person you know given the chance will hurt you again? 

If you can figure out how to dispense love to a person who has harmed you, you have taken up with forgiveness. You have walked the same path. And the way to do it is to focus on the love. Stay with the positive. Look for the bright spots. Look for the joy. Look for the beauty. It’s okay to do this from a distance. It’s okay to do it without any contact. It’s okay to do it in a safe way. 

Forgiveness once seemed unattainable for me. Now I see it’s simply the act of giving love when it is the last thing that seems reasonable, and yet, love is always the right choice. 

Forgiveness = love.

Pretty simple.

Namaste, my friend.

Love,

Pamela


The zen in the fight

    

One of the things I’m trying to balance is when to let go. 

Let go of an annoyance, an argument, a dream that no longer appears attainable, other people’s fights, past injuries, past regrets.

Balancing my effort at seeing the world and people in love, compassion, and forgiveness, with how to include standing up for what I believe is right. 

What I’ve come to understand is I don’t need to argue with anyone. I don’t need to interject my opinion on anyone. I don’t need to change anyone’s mind. I don’t need to coherce anyone. If what I believe and share with the world resonates, those who wish to learn more, will be drawn to me.

Yet, there are injustices that require fighting. There are people who, if given a chance, will hurt you as often as you forgiven them. There are people who are injured and inflict injury. 

I can avoid these people, which in most cases is the most effective way to manage them, but what about social injustice? 

I must find the zen in the fight.

Avoidance is not the spiritual answer. 

This is what I ponder tonight. 

Namaste, my friend. 

Love,

Pamela


Thought for the day…

Talk about what you like and love in greater proportion than what you hate. 

Namaste, my friend.

Love,

Pamela