Tag Archives: joy

What do you want? 

A friend of mine recently said something cryptic about getting hooked by a distraction that always pulls him away.

He could have been referring to anything: love, success, happiness, peace, satisfaction…

This morning I was thinking about his words wondering what specifially he meant when it occurred to me the only distractions we have, are those we allow. 

If you aren’t sure what you want, everything is an option. Everything is a possibility. Everything is a distraction. 

If you know what you want, very specifically, it becomes your focus, very clearly.

For example, if I say, I will have my album finished by March 5, 2016 at 5 p.m., that’s pretty clear. If I add that it will include 10 songs and all package design, that’s really specific. 

It’s also a declaration. 

Now I know my primary focus for the next three months. So when a distraction presents itself, it will be quickly evaluated. Does it fit with my goals? Will it prevent me from attaining my goals? Will it help me attain my goals? By having a clear definition of my goal, I will have a laser sharp view of where I want to be. All the distractions become part of my periphery.

People often don’t do what they say they want to do because they tumble weed along, evaluating opportunities as they present themselves. This is a little like trying to decide what to eat for dinner when you’re hungry.  The way to create long term success is to plan for it. So…

What do you want? Write it down. Be specific. Let it be your recipe for success. 

Namaste, my friend. 




Love is often a whisper


An addition to this journey. 


I’ve lived a long time without a relationship. For most of that time it was by choice. It was a choice I made for my heart. I had a marriage that was an enormous disappointment. In fact, I felt really cheated by the fairy tale nonsense fed to me as a little girl. The idea that marriage would some how fill me in way I had not yet been filled. Marriage was so wretchedly disappointing, that I wanted nothing more to do with relationships. 

Then a former lover found me on Facebook in September of 12. I saw his name and the levy broke. A flood of emotion long dammed flowed out. I was not eloquent. I was not subtle. I was not restrained. I spent more than  two years trying to convince him we should grow old together. 

Wanting him, loving him, pursuing him, taught me a lot. First, that I want a life partner. That I want to have someone to give all this love to. That I have a well-spring of patience I didn’t know I had. That I’m a damned good writer. That I am devoted and loyal. That I love with my whole heart. I have also learned that if I am to attract the love of my life, I need to be open to him. I know that the love of my life is looking for me, too. I will not need to convince him of anything. 

Who is he? 

  • He is intelligent and always learning.
  • He has goals and ambition.
  • He is kind and capable of love.
  • He argues clean.
  • He is respected.
  • He has a spiritual life.
  • He takes care of his health.
  • He is funny.
  • He has a beautiful smile.

I don’t know what he looks like. I don’t know how old he is. I don’t know where he’s from. 

But I know he’s looking for me. 🙂 

This should be an interesting adventure. I may start a different blog just to document it. I’d ask you to wish me luck, but I don’t need it. 

Namaste, my friends.



Looking for the joy. Maybe it’s there, but hiding…



I just made a post on Facebook that somewhere along the way, I’ve lost my joy for performing. Not in the music, I’m immersed in music everyday. I love writing it, listening to it, dancing to it. Of my creative endeavors, music is my priority. I lamented that I hoped it was just a phase, because once I finish this album, I will need to perform to support it. 

One of my friends responded, “It IS just a phase, performing is in your blood.”

That got me asking. Is that true? 

He might be right. My mother told me I was singing before I knew any songs. She said she’d put me on the back of her bike and as we rode, I would sing non-songs. She thought it was funny because I could not be seen behind her, but I was singing loud, even then. I wish I could remember that. It seems like a happy time with her. 

As I evaluate my lack of interest in performing, I have to include all the street performing I did last summer. It was hideous. Partly, it was because no one knows my songs. They were watching and waiting to hear something familiar, but it never came. I street performed all over St. Louis. I was almost arrested in University City. (I learned I don’t want to ever be arrested. 😕) The Central West End was the best place, but all in all it was a degrading experience. 

These sorts of things build up. I call it “the accumulative effect.” Others might say it was the straw that broke the camel’s back. 

When I look back at what performing has meant to me, I realize it has a great deal of power. In high school, I went from being that weird girl, to the popular people liking me. Instantly. I had no trust for them, so I was polite and listened to where they wanted to pull me, which made the others say I was stuck up now. It was an interesting experience. Then high school ended and I was spared from having to be labeled further. 

But I never forgot how performing gave me “instant love.” It also sometimes gives me instant hate. People definitely have their shit. I’m me whether I open my mouth or not. My daughter jokes that my voice is a siren song. It wills men to do my bidding. I wish it was that romantic. Really what happens is, and I know this because I have heard it at least 50 times through out the years, I hear, “I wonder what you’d be like in bed?” I’ve never said it, but I always think the same thing: not as good as that. 

After considering whether performing is in my blood, I think he’s right. If I go too long without performing I start to dream about it during my sleep. Maybe it’s just too easy. I can go out any night of the week and find musicians to jam with. I can take my little rig and go perform pretty much any where any time. 

So what’s the issue? I don’t think I’ve come to a place of comfort with my songs yet. They’re still not in the pocket. And I am very committed to not performing other people’s songs. I think I’m going to have to relax this. I don’t have enough original material to do more than one set at this point. And people like familiar. I get it. Some times you want to listen to music, but not have to think about it. Or determine whether you like it or not. 

The other place I must get to is, I have to perform for me, not the audience. When I do, it’s between me and my muses. And when it’s there, others will love it too. I need to perform for myself. 

I’ll get there…

On getting the love we need…

We are made from love.
We radiate love.
Love is our source.
It is our sustenance.
It is our only purpose for being.

If we put conditions on it,
we create tension, discord, and polarity
between it and us.

The only way to receive the love we need
is to be love.
To the people under our roof
whether it be home, work, or school.
To the people we encounter in our service.
To the people we see in the periphery
of our day to day lives.

But most important is to give love to yourself.
Only then, is your heart full.

Namaste, my friends.


Maybe this is for you. 

Sending love wherever it’s needed.