This is very exciting!

 I can see the finish line!!!!!

 

Chaos plus.

My life has turned fairly chaotic. My kitchen ceiling collapsed, one of my sweet little dogs died, then the remaining little dog was been diagnosed with lymphoma (poor little darling), school began, and the money chase is just beyond reach, and I’m getting ready to do some new emotional work I do t feel prepared for. 

It feels like driving down an unknown road in the dark during a snow storm. 

Brights on, hyper alert. 

A saving grace is one of my friendships. I’m so grateful to have it.

Namaste, my friend.

Love,

Pamela

If you have an interest in any of these paintings, let’s talk. I need to sell some work immediately.

   
    
   

My new voice.

  
Yesterday was the most beautiful day. I had a photo shoot at a home about 40 miles from mine. The sky was the most amazing shade of blue and the clouds were puffs of cotton high in the sky. The sun was selective shining on specific spots to illuminate them to anyone paying attention. Everywhere I looked, I saw beauty. I made notes where I would shoot once I was done with my paying job. 

The family I worked with was so gorgeous, I could hardly stand it. The woman soon to give birth, the man so proud, and a boy 8, excited to have a sibling. The baby is a girl. I told the boy she will think he is the coolest person alive and want to go everywhere he does. His eyes got wide. “Really?” He asked. I assured him it was all true. The woman looked like a goddess. I can’t wait for them to see the shots. 

On the way home, I stopped at a park where there are ancient indigenous burial mounds. The first thing I saw was a pond with dragon flys dancing everywhere. I walked further and found a swamp. Had I had waiters, I would have gone in for photos. The quality of today’s sunlight was so special, that even a dark place like the swamp had an illumination that reflected the sky. I found several sights I was not expecting, and on the way back, this dragon fly stopped and posed for me. 

When I got back to my car I took a minute to look at all the images I shot and I cried tears of joy. The process of photography is a special new voice I have as an artist that is allowing me to see beauty I would not otherwise see. It asks me to stop and look in a way I never have before. I see beauty everywhere. And if you read my previous post you know, the remedy to fear is to look for the beauty. This new gift allows me to cull the beauty I see and frame it in a way that asks the viewer to focus the spot of it I see. It has become a lovely freedom and joy. 

Namaste, my friend.

Love,

Pamela

Forgiveness and love.

  
I think I have finally figured out how to forgive. 

Years ago I had an unimaginable betrayal from someone I should have been able to trust with my life. It was so unimaginable, that I blocked it from my memory for most of my adulthood. The experience was not absent from my mind altogether, though. I made many decisions based on how best to protect myself from allowing that to ever happen again. Unfortunately, it meant living in an almost constant low-grade level of fear in some areas. It contaminated my perception and gave me a half life. 

A few weeks ago, a series of news stories and life experiences made me question my responses to them. And in a quiet moment, my memory returned. With it, came the understanding I had created a language for my experience that was untrue. I think for the first time since the experience, I’m feeling a release. There is beauty in facing the truth. I did a lot of crying. And sad as I am, I’m also relieved. I made some choices in my fog, that were the right ones.

Another reason this may have been the right time to remember is because of the coping skills I’ve learned and also the spiritual path I walk. 

I’ve talked here a lot about practicing love. I’ve been practicing love for about a year and a half. The simple idea that one faces everyone with love and compassion, regardless of whether they have earned it. By distributing love to everyone, it removes the responsibility of making the judgement of worth. Everyone gets it. It’s surprisingly delightful for you in it’s simplicity. 

It’s not too hard to give love to someone we don’t know. But what about the person who has harmed you? How can you dispense love to him? What about the person you know given the chance will hurt you again? 

If you can figure out how to dispense love to a person who has harmed you, you have taken up with forgiveness. You have walked the same path. And the way to do it is to focus on the love. Stay with the positive. Look for the bright spots. Look for the joy. Look for the beauty. It’s okay to do this from a distance. It’s okay to do it without any contact. It’s okay to do it in a safe way. 

Forgiveness once seemed unattainable for me. Now I see it’s simply the act of giving love when it is the last thing that seems reasonable, and yet, love is always the right choice. 

Forgiveness = love.

Pretty simple.

Namaste, my friend.

Love,

Pamela

The zen in the fight

    

One of the things I’m trying to balance is when to let go. 

Let go of an annoyance, an argument, a dream that no longer appears attainable, other people’s fights, past injuries, past regrets.

Balancing my effort at seeing the world and people in love, compassion, and forgiveness, with how to include standing up for what I believe is right. 

What I’ve come to understand is I don’t need to argue with anyone. I don’t need to interject my opinion on anyone. I don’t need to change anyone’s mind. I don’t need to coherce anyone. If what I believe and share with the world resonates, those who wish to learn more, will be drawn to me.

Yet, there are injustices that require fighting. There are people who, if given a chance, will hurt you as often as you forgiven them. There are people who are injured and inflict injury. 

I can avoid these people, which in most cases is the most effective way to manage them, but what about social injustice? 

I must find the zen in the fight.

Avoidance is not the spiritual answer. 

This is what I ponder tonight. 

Namaste, my friend. 

Love,

Pamela

Thought for the day…

Talk about what you like and love in greater proportion than what you hate. 

Namaste, my friend.

Love,

Pamela

 

Fear and it’s side effects.

  
When we are uncomfortable, when we are anxious, when we are in pain, when we feel like a victim, we are often coming from a position of fear. We fear what we can’t control. 

We fear the aquistion and retention of love.

We fear pain.

We fear death.  
Almost all of our actions come from one of these three fears. 

Someday, I’ll write a thesis on this, for now I’ll let you ponder it.

The remedy to fear is to remind yourself that you are wholly loved right now without regard to anything that you do, what your roles are, how much you’ve accumulated, how you appear, what your knowledge is, how old you are, or whether or not another single person knows you exist. 
By virtue of being on this planet, you were designed. 

You are made of love. 

Here’s the important question:

What will you do with this love?

 
Namaste, my friend. 

Love,

Pamela

Validated, acknowledged, loved, reflected.

The concept of talking to someone about your pain, struggles, confusion, perception – is an interesting one. Why do we need to be heard this way? Perhaps, we hope the other will say you have every reason to feel as you do. Validated. We need to know we are aren’t alone, both in the way we feel and literally. Acknowledged. The idea that the journey will not have to be traveled without any like-minded companions. Loved. Maybe it’s also to hear the thoughts spoken so they come out of your mind and back in through your ears, this time with the response of the other person listening. Then your listener can mirror your words back to you. Reflected.

What ever specifically it is, over-all it is a release. This release happens when another is there to witness it.

Writing can often offer a similar catharsis. This is immeasurably invaluable when there is no one available to listen. It is so effective, it can become a way to avoid being social and connecting with another in a trusting and intimate way. 

Perhaps you can relate, dear writer. 🙂 

The time has come for me to talk to another. I believe it will be invaluable. 

Namaste, my friend. 

Love,

Pamela

Daily haiku #Haiku #minipoem #poem

There’s profit in fear.

Here’s the only remedy:

Look for the beauty. 

  

we know nothing.

  
We really don’t know anything.

We make assessments on almost no information. Often, we must. There are things about a trusted person that you will never know. Things that will die with them. Things if known, you may not have offered your trust at all. There are choices people make at precise moments based on their limited view. We are moving forward, so often we don’t reflect back to see what we have left in our wake. And other times, a thing is so small we can’t see it without looking closer or from a different perspective. 

Like my friend here. I didn’t see him til after the shot. Then and only then, could I bring my full attention to him and allow him to shine. 

Sometimes what we see is hard to look at. Sometimes what we’re shown is hard to look at. We are given something we didn’t expect and don’t know what to do with. And perhaps worse, are those things taken without the intent to give. We are left with our violation. Our mistrust. Our fear. 

We don’t know anything. 

They say that love is blind. It is. As it should be. It is in this blindness that our humanness is forgiven. 

Love’s only assessment is to be allowed. To be in the flow. To prevail. To shine. It does this when you allow it. When it is untethered from our assessments. 

Freeing the flow of love is the ultimate challenge: Loving when you know nothing.

Namaste, my friend.

Love,

Pamela