Monthly Archives: February 2015

Effort

Effort

Failure

Effort

Failure

Effort

Failure

Effort

Failure

Effort

Exhaustion

Effort

Failure

Effort

Confusion

Effort

Failure

Effort

Frustration

Effort

Failure

Effort

Depression

Effort

Nothing


Lacking words

My stepmother passed on Thursday.
I have quite literally been at a loss for words.

All I know, really understand, is what I don’t have.
What is leaving a gapping hole in my life and heart right now.

I know I don’t want to be alone while waiting to hear someone has died.
There is no lonelier feeling I can think of.

In fact, I know that I never ever want to sit by the phone waiting to hear someone has died, ever again. I will be next to that person instead.

I know I don’t want to spend the rest of my life without my life partner.

If we’ve live long enough, and love during that time, none of us will escape losing someone we love. It’s part of the participation of life.

It doesn’t seem fair at the moment.

Namaste, my friends.

Love,
Pamela


Under the roof

One of my first jobs in St. Louis was as a receptionist for a shady insurance company. There was a manager there who was an absolute jerk to everyone there. Rude, snarky, demeaning. I tried my best to avoid him. Then the office manager said she and her husband socialized with this man and his wife. She revealed that he was sweet and gentle when he was with his wife. I couldn’t believe it.

Over the years I’ve adopted his motto. If you’re going to be sweet and kind to anyone, it should be the ones that you live with.

After all, you live with them.

It only makes sense that you want everyone under the same roof to be happy together.

Namaste, my friends.

Love,
Pamela


Understanding.

My stepmother came to live with our family when I was 9, I think. My dad and stepmother married when I was 10. We didn’t really get along. It took many years to understand all of that. And over the last 15 years or so, I’ve come to a place of comfort with her, with us.

And even though it was clear she was not my mother, she was my mother figure and I love her.

Today, she going into hospice. She is comfortable and she is leaving.

This begins a chapter I have done a very good job in deferring.

Sending love to wherever it’s needed.

Love,
Pamela


Hey, Valentine…

May peace and love have their way with you today…

IMG_7176-0

Namaste, my friends.

Love,
Pamela


Alone?

Not long ago, my friend Pablo asked me if I like to spend a lot of time alone. I remember being a bit surprised by the question. I suppose because I never consider that people are considering me.

I do spend a lot of time alone.

I answered yes. That I did.

I have an answer for why. I’m an outgoing introvert. I’m not shy. I can talk to anyone, really. It’s just that I take on the energy of people around me. I tend to need to “recharge” after being around people all day. When I’m lonely, I don’t stay there.

It seems like a dichotomy to perform or want to perform in front of others, yet needing to be away from people.

I think I do feel now and then I spend too much time alone. Then I make plans to be with my friends. I’m usually better for it.

Namaste, my friends.

Love,
Pamela


How to do hope.

One way to have hope…
Fill your heart with love.
Keep it full.

How can you do that when
People are rude
And angry
And jealous
And greedy
And political…

It’s easy.

Just give love to everyone.
Without judgement.
Without expectation.

You get to decide how you give it.
Is it a kind jesture?
A smile?
A complement?
A hug?
A favor?
A hand?

You decide.

I’ll tell you what, a smile goes a long way…

The amazing thing about giving love is it fills you up.
It gives you more than hope. It gives you life.

Namaste, my friends.

Love,
Pamela