Some flowers celebrate love. And love? Always wins. #lovewins

 
  

   

On getting the love we need…

We are made from love.
We radiate love.
Love is our source.
It is our sustenance.
It is our only purpose for being.

If we put conditions on it,
we create tension, discord, and polarity
between it and us.

The only way to receive the love we need
is to be love.
Unconditionally.
To the people under our roof
whether it be home, work, or school.
To the people we encounter in our service.
To the people we see in the periphery
of our day to day lives.

But most important is to give love to yourself.
Only then, is your heart full.

Namaste, my friends.

Love,

What I’m learning about loving myself

It ain’t easy. 

I’ve found I’m more inclined to love myself when I feel loved by others. Around my birthday, I always feel somewhat unloved. That’s because two people I love, will not acknowledge me on that day even though they are thinking of me. One is my mother. The other a man. Both are far too prideful to allow me to think they are thinking of me on my birthday. Of course they do. And that makes it hurt all the more, which is part of their meanness. They are both just plain mean. The easiest way to deal with someone mean is to not deal with them at all. So, I don’t. Maybe one day, I’ll figure out how not to define them as mean. Maybe I’ll figure out how not to let their sharp words, or lack of them, hurt me. Maybe I will not define whether I love myself on whether they love me. 

It felt good to get 200 birthday wishes on Facebook. My dad and daughter called me. Every year I focus less on the two who ignore me and focus on the hundreds that don’t. Thank God. 

And ultimately, I’m trying to figure out how to honor me whether anyone does or not. Let’s be honest, we all need to be loved to see what that looks like. 

Namaste, my friends. 

Love,

Pamela

Under the roof

One of my first jobs in St. Louis was as a receptionist for a shady insurance company. There was a manager there who was an absolute jerk to everyone there. Rude, snarky, demeaning. I tried my best to avoid him. Then the office manager said she and her husband socialized with this man and his wife. She revealed that he was sweet and gentle when he was with his wife. I couldn’t believe it.

Over the years I’ve adopted his motto. If you’re going to be sweet and kind to anyone, it should be the ones that you live with.

After all, you live with them.

It only makes sense that you want everyone under the same roof to be happy together.

Namaste, my friends.

Love,
Pamela

Alone?

Not long ago, my friend Pablo asked me if I like to spend a lot of time alone. I remember being a bit surprised by the question. I suppose because I never consider that people are considering me.

I do spend a lot of time alone.

I answered yes. That I did.

I have an answer for why. I’m an outgoing introvert. I’m not shy. I can talk to anyone, really. It’s just that I take on the energy of people around me. I tend to need to “recharge” after being around people all day. When I’m lonely, I don’t stay there.

It seems like a dichotomy to perform or want to perform in front of others, yet needing to be away from people.

I think I do feel now and then I spend too much time alone. Then I make plans to be with my friends. I’m usually better for it.

Namaste, my friends.

Love,
Pamela

How to do hope.

One way to have hope…
Fill your heart with love.
Keep it full.

How can you do that when
People are rude
And angry
And jealous
And greedy
And political…

It’s easy.

Just give love to everyone.
Without judgement.
Without expectation.

You get to decide how you give it.
Is it a kind jesture?
A smile?
A complement?
A hug?
A favor?
A hand?

You decide.

I’ll tell you what, a smile goes a long way…

The amazing thing about giving love is it fills you up.
It gives you more than hope. It gives you life.

Namaste, my friends.

Love,
Pamela

Learning, growing, feeling

I have so many thoughts rolling through my head. I’m learning much about the brain. Really digging my professors. Feeling perplexed how I will get everything I want done. Feeling stronger than I have in a while.

When I turn to love, I am whole.

When life is busy, when it’s filled with new learning, new challenges, new growth, new emergences, new perspectives, sometimes is easy to get scared and want to run back to old patterns of coping. They don’t work.
They never have.

Two areas I need to work on immediately:
Getting the items in my home down to the bare necessities.
And finish losing my weight.

My projects that will be completed this year are my movie and my album, which is the sound track for the film.

I’m on my way.

I hope you’re on your way, too. 🙂

Namaste, my friends.

Love,
Pamela

I am

I am.

I breathe.
I hear.
I feel.
I hurt.

I am.

I think.
I know.
I see.
I wait.

I am.

I love.
I need.
I want.
I grieve.

I am.

I’m strong.
I’m fragile.
I’m fearless.
I’m feared.

I am.

I’m a woman.
I’m a child.
I’m endless.
I’m free.

I am.

Me and my date for the night.

Exciting Saturday night. 🙂

I have a date with a text book.
Neurons and the development of psychology.

The last few days have been a practice in letting go.
Mourning the loss of a dream, the loss of a future
plan/hope/desire has been as difficult as the loss it’s self.

My goal is to stop the spiral before I get too deep.
To take care of myself by eating well and exercising.
To keep moving and getting my work done.

I need to stop looking for answers.
There just aren’t any.

Namaste, my friends.

Love,
Pamela

Admire

Words are rolling through my head tonight.
Causing anguish. Causing suffering.
I can’t put them together for them to make sense.
Those damn words.
Used against me, twice.

Admire.

Or the lack of it.

Used against me twice.

I’m so weary.

I have to let go. Feel the sadness. The anger. The loss.

I don’t know how to do it…

I need to learn…

Namaste, my friends.

Love,
Pamela